Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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