Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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