fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
