chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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