she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
