he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
