last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
