I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
