But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
