I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
