i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
