Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize