did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
