I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Actions speak louder than pants.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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