you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize