i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
