Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
