I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
