Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
he high fived his dick after we had sex
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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