i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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