Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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