halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
