Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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