You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
