Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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