I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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