Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
my liver is dry heaving
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize