ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
