she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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