I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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