Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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