First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My penis needs a shock collar
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
