im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
