IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
