Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
