dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
