Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
it was like eating out sand paper
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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