he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
