To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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