There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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