They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
