I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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