Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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