going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
