its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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