That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
