i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
