you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
