I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
