Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize