So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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