apparently the secret to your success is patron
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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