Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Someone shit on the floor
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
