She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
