Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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