i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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