babies were throwing up all over the place
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize
