I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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