I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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