Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
