Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
