She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
