This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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