I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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